A secret that was hard for me to actually come to terms with after our baby was born and well into his first year was my sex drive sucked. Prior to ‘Bug’ being born we both had a healthy sex life.
At first I attributed it to being an overwhelmed first time full time breastfeeding working mom. You see, I was back at work at 10 weeks and pumping between clients or racing home to feed then going back to work. Hubby took the paternity leave since this was the way better financial option for us. So yes exhaustion played a huge part after the birth of our son and I’m quite positive it is for many new parents.
Once I stopped breastfeeding and my menses returned to normal I thought “yeah baby, my sex drive will be banging on the door again”. Sadly that didn’t happen.
All of a sudden the feelings of being an overweight mom, a terrible wife, neglectful to my needs, his needs our god given animal needs were racing in my head. This didn’t help the matter at all, it just made it worse. It created a mental barrier around the thought of sex with the lights on, after a long day at work or worse not being physically prepared “down there” to enjoy it. I was losing it. Hubby was supportive but after a long hiatus I could sense his frustration. It felt like we were roommates and not lovers anymore.
After many months of online searching I finally gained enough courage to start asking my closest friends what the heck was the matter with me. Where did my interest and enjoyment of sex go? Was this normal? Was the the beginning of the end for our marital sex life or marriage? Was the all in my head? Hormonally I was a mess and totally freaking out. Freaking out because I thought I was losing it all without any explanation. Was I depressed? Did I fall out of love with my husband?
What I learned on my journey was yes this was normal to have your post pregnancy hormones out of whack with your libido being affected. It roughly takes about 6 months to get them back to normal, roughly was the key word here. No it’s wasn’t the beginning of the end of our sex life and marriage. It’s quite normal for couples to experience this change of sexual pleasure with one another after a baby. Having open conversations helped alleviate the awkwardness between us. He was able to hear where I was coming from and what I was feeling. He was amazing after he realized that it wasn’t him or anything he was doing.
So what happened to get my sexy back. I began seeing a Naturopath where it was determined my mineral levels were low. One of them being zinc. Zinc helps with proper endocrine function and maintaining ideal hormone levels. Instead of popping pills right away I choose to introduce foods high in zinc into my diet such as high purine meats and seafood especially oysters (not a huge fan but I do it). I began talking with a therapist about the other issues in my head and realized these were issues I was creating because in my head I wasn’t perfect. Eureka!!!!
I can only be as functional externally if my internal functionality was working at normal levels, which it wasn’t. I had to learn to accept my flaws combined with my new reality. I had to accept that things take time and that’s it’s a marathon not a sprint. I had to accept that my type A personality was being challenged and to let go and absorb each moment rather than over-thinking/planning and getting worked up over things that really weren’t under my control. I just had to be me, imperfect yet beautiful me. Once that happened, things changed all for the better.
So there it is, my moment of Eureka. I’d love to hear your Eureka stories.